She told me he got 5 O'clock shadow. My dark, handsome father. Video tapes of home movie reels and black and white photographs. These are the bits and pieces I hold onto. They fill my head and try to become my memories.

But once in a while, I flash on a true memory--being held up high in the air, jet back hair, loving blue eyes holding my gaze, watching this tall man walk. These moments are most precious for me for it is then that I feel my dad. He's no longer just a nice, good-looking man but he's a real flesh and blood person who loved, nurtured, and treasured me. He's mine. Even though he was part of my human experience for less than a year, in these memories I suddenly have a dad.

Now I think of my heavenly Father and how I can feel his love for me through the Eucharist, meditation upon the cross, or the love of other people. Those who met Christ in the flesh must've been touched beyond words. No wonder they put him to death--he must've scared the pants off of some of his contemporaries. To worship your heavenly Father and then to glimpse him here on earth--how tantalizing and awesome that must've been. But if you felt unworthy or sinful, you could not accept this. Which is why when Jesus rose from the dead, he greeted his disciples by saying, "Peace be with you" and "Whose sins you forgive are forgiven them..." He was talking about forgiving ourselves as well as others. If we don't forgive ourselves, we can't let go of the hurt we have felt from others. If we hold onto those sins, they are retained. God already forgives us, but we must forgive. Otherwise, we can't accept Christ and the Kingdom.

He had brown hair, a beard and gentle eyes. He performed many great works -- but will those bits and pieces be all we know of Christ? Or will we let ourselves be touched by his forgiveness and love? Will we let ourselves truly experience God's presence TODAY in our lives? All it takes is a little willingness--willingness to be open. He knew us before we were born and we knew Him. We belong to Him and He is ours.