The TV god

The TV is an easy god to serve. If you don't like something, just switch the channel. If you feel bad about yourself, you can always find someone worse to compare yourself to. If you're feeling too peaceful, you can always find a violent cop show to take care of that. If you just don't want to think, turn on one of the myriad mindless reality shows and watch people race to make cakes as if their life depended upon it. Now that's entertainment! But most of all, it's distraction.

So serve your god by spending at least 6 hours a day worshiping it or just sitting there. It doesn't require you to actually go out and do anything. The TV god never forces you to change, look at yourself or think about your life or how you contribute to society. Of course there are religious programs and thoughtful historical specials, but you can simply turn them off when they make you uncomfortable. Switch on a soap opera instead.

Yep, the TV is an easy god to serve. And if you leave it on all day you can block out all thought, creative processes and desire to live. You may feel an urge to buy a lot of fast food or expensive jewelry items, but those are the only major side effects (if you don't count avoiding life, helping others or keeping your priorities, morals and values straight). So watch away and serve your god...50-60 hours a week should do it and you wouldn't want to steal one of those hours to go to church--no your TV god might get jealous at that and you might find yourself actually thinking spiritual and moral thoughts! Best not to risk it...